AN ASSESSMENT ON THE MCRIB SANDWICH
1508-1512: Michelangelo paints the Sistine Chapel.
July 4, 1776: The United States officially gains its Independence from Britain.
November 4, 2008. The first black President is elected into Washington.
November 2, 2010: The McRib makes its triumphant return to McDonalds enthusiasts across the globe.
The most psychedelic drug known to man, commonly known as the McRib, has made its return. Although in NO WAY do I support the “shit-potle” franchise, McDonalds, but it is that time of year when the Mcrib Sandwich blossoms its buds and is ready to be consumed.
The sandwich has been commonly quoted as:
“A 1,000 Christmases slathered in BBQ sauce.” -New York Daily News
“The McRib is so elusive, it comes out sporadically, then its gone again, like a unicorn.” -Jenny Wu
“Sometimes you feel like you really want a Mcrib,” 28 year old Tommy Ahn comments, “but its not there.”
However, there are no words that can describe this marvel. Its sweet… Savory… Everything you hoped and wanted it to be. Its your first kiss… Your fondest childhood memory… Like a Phil Collins chorus melody.
“Take a look at me now!”
Some of you may be thinking, “I swear I’ve dreamt of a boneless pork-like, rib-like, trainwreck shaped-like patty mold, lathered with BBQ sauce and topped with onions and pickles.” And I assure you that since the days of old, when Adam and Eve roamed this green Earth, the McRib sandwich has been somewhere deep down in the “bowels” of our souls… However, God did not open his shiny gates to unleash this miracle until 1982, “The Year of the Rib.” Surprisingly enough, I was born the following December making me a Capribcorn.
Yes it is true that along with Ronald, Grimace, the Hamburglar, and Birdie the Early Bird, a new McDonald's character has come to light. "McRibonator." This giant, hairy, 6’4 BBQ sauce covered beast, terrifies children as it moralizes the McRib.
I remember the day I disposed of two McRib sandwiches in the same sitting… The day I became a man. Shortly after I was attacked by McDiarrhea (sorry Lynn, but technically McDiarrhea is not the “D” word).
Memorable Moments:
Ordering a McRib at the drive thru, then eating it while waiting in line at the drive-thru to order another McRib.
The McRib AKA “The Widowmaker,” with all its glory does not go unscathed. KFC’s DoubleDown Sandwich, accompanied by the TexMex Sandwich and Rodeo Cheeseburger from Burger King, have joined alliances to combat The McRib. The McRib in all its splendor, is able to battle off these vigilantes by being combo’d with the Monopoly game creating the perfect storm of fast-food dining.
In closing, don’t support the “Golden Arch” crap franchise known as McDonalds, but do YOURSELF a favor and enjoy the succulent delights of this beautiful crafted sandwich. McRib, I will join your quest to glory. You have my sword!
All in all, I score the McRib 4/4 in the Clotted Artery Judging Scale (CAJS).
