IN-N-OUT BURGER & AL-QAEDA??

While last week we celebrated the defeat of Osama Bin Laden, sources allege a major assault by Al-Qaeda on our home turf.  An assault not erected in direct violence, but a severe limp assault to Westerners nonetheless. 

Many choose suicide rather than accept In-N-Out out of state expansion.

Every time I mistakenly leave the glorious Western United States, the first thing I do when touching down at LAX is hit THE STRIP CLUBS!  Wait… scratch that…  I mean In-N-Out Burger…  As sure as the ocean is West of Hwy 101 and the Governator cheats on his wife with the household help, Californians have supported the fast-food chain since its birth in 1948.  Whether it be a simple satisfying cheeseburger or a double-double w/Onion, In-N-Out Burger is as authentic and patriotic as Mexican food. 

 Well last Wednesday, May 11th, our lives changed forever when Texas swooped TWO In-N-Outs from under our noses!   To make things even WORSE, Washington and Utah are jumping on board in the tragic "Burger-Raping" of 2011.  I mean we’ve only got so many months until these newbie’s discover The Secret Menu. Allegers allege, "Could this be the workings of Al-Qaeda?"


Bring In-N-Out Burger back to the patrons who love it most.  Like Paris Hilton whom was arrested for DUI at In-N-Out Burger in 2006 after being really hungry.

“I was just really hungry.”                                                                           -Paris Hilton

Or Lakers Ron Artest whom allegedly spent $4,000 at an In-N-Out last January.  The kind, caring, delicate flower (Artest) commented:

I love In-N-Out!  It’s addicting!  It’s the only reason I’m here in L.A.!  If it wasn’t for In-N-Out Burger, I probably would’ve gone to Memphis or something!”          -Ron Artest

(Note:  While this quote is completely accurate, I did add the exclamation marks…)

I for one will NOT share my beloved fast-food chains with these eastern burger-bums!   Keep your Dunkin Donuts and Taco Buenos east coast!  But as sure as the Governator has illegitimate children, California WILL bounce back.   Just remember California, there... is... ano-ther...ham-bur-gerrrrrrrr... (Hamburger Habit)

In closing, this is a really messy situation...  This franchise expansion is cheesy, and it is quite rare that such a dignified establishment would act in such an animal style...  Did you see what I did there? 

Wait...  Is this slander??  Ruh-Roh!!